You know what it’s like to want something in your life, but know you can’t have it.
You know all too well what it’s like, and you also know that some people think you don’t, but you do. 

It hurts, and not just mentally but physically as well.

To sit there day after day and watch your need from afar, talk, laugh, and yell.

You want to touch them, feel them and be near them but you hold back.

You have no idea what anyone would say if they seen you looking and thinking the things you are about your person.

You know they would most likely be more then a little freaked out by the things running through your head all the time.

You pick up the pen that is on your desk and look at the paper, which you’re supposed to be writing on right now but you can’t.

You can’t think about what you’re supposed to be doing when thoughts of your need are going through your head.

The thoughts come and go at an alarming rate they scare you and sometimes they come at the most inopportune time, and you wish they weren’t there.

You find it hard to get anything done picturing the things you are, but most times you welcome them.

As you find they are like your safety blanket, as you know you can always trust them no matter what.

You see the faces of your friends and your family always watching you and you know they wonder what’s going on inside your head.

You want to tell someone, you want to yell it so loud that you need that person to be close to you, but you don’t.

You hold back because you know if you tell you might get looked at differently, they might hate you.

You shake your head knowing they could never hate you, but they might be a little warier around you.

In the bathroom you would stand looking in the mirror for as long as you could watching yourself and wondering how you could fix yourself so your need would need you.

You want to be perfect so your the needed one not the one needing.

When you go do anything be it work or something at home you always think of your need, and it drives you crazy.

You want them, but you know you can never have them and it’s slowly killing you, from the inside out.

Sometimes it happens, you both touch and you feel the spark that’s there.

The spark that let's you know something is under the surface, hiding very deep within you both.

It's hiding in your need, and you know it's there but you don't want to come right out and say it, you want to wait to be sure.

You know if you wait then your need might come to you, instead of you having to go to them.

You find it’s getting harder every day to just sit and watch, think and hope, and you know you have to say something soon before your chance is gone.

You have been watching and waiting for your need to come to you, but you know as the days turn to weeks that it may not happen.

It’s been a year already, and it’s driving you crazy even more.

You finally put down your pen and give up trying to work and just stare at your need for you don’t know how long.

You blink and then you realize that your need is now looking at you, knowing that your staring.

You’ve been caught looking and you feel your checks getting hotter by the seconds and you try and think of something else but you can’t.

It suddenly feels like you’re a little child and you did something wrong, like calling your second grade teacher mother or something.

But you can’t help as the only thing that runs in front of your eyes is your need, and you can’t hate that, but at the moment you wish it was something else.

You get up and excuse yourself, heading to the bathroom for a breath of fresh air.

You know if you don’t get out of there you’re going to be redder then Ketchup and you don’t want that.

You walk out and rush to the bathroom hoping no one has seen you as you push open the bathroom door.

You run your hands under the cool water and rinse your face with the water before drying them and looking into the mirror. You don’t see anything different, you just see you.

You close your eyes and hope to be perfect and you open them again after a minute.

Hoping your looking at something different, but your hope is lost when you see the same thing you always have, you.

You go back out and walking back to your desk you see your need walk out, heading your way.

You think about turning and walking somewhere else, but then you think where else is there to go? You walk and stop when your need stops in front of you.

You smile and your need does the same, maybe your really doing ok.

You take a breath and hope your eyes don’t show that you need and are hoping for something from them.

You carefully watch as your need lays a hand on your arm, their hand is so soft.

You feel your heart speed up and try to stay calm and you just looking into there eyes.

You’re hoping that what you are looking at now is real, that it is really the look you see in their eyes.

You feel even better when the person talks to you, asking you to meet with them after work.

You get excited, and maybe now is the day you will finally have what you’ve needed for a year.

Maybe now you’ll finally feel like your prefect, because you know if they do then you can feel perfect too.

If they think your perfect, then maybe you really are and you just don’t see it yet, but you know you will soon.

Later that night as your saying goodbye to your need for the night at their apartment you feel them move into your ear, whispering things to you.

You had both had a long talk tonight and you finally told your need that you need them.

You smile as you remember the look on their face as they heard you speak those words to them.

But then your heart just about stopped, they took your hand and caressed it softly, telling you that they need you too.

You feel tears well up in your eyes as they speak to you; this is what you've been waiting for.

For a very long time and you have a feeling they know it because you know they have too.

"You may not think your perfect, you may not think your worthy, and you may think a lot of bad things about yourself, but all the things you think about yourself are wrong Olivia" you don't speak, you just listen as your need talks to you.

"I already told you but I'll tell you again" you feel like your floating your so happy right now.

"I need you just as bad as you need me...and I'm going to need you from now and forever" you put your hand up to stop them from talking more, and you both move to sit on their couch, in the apartment.

"I'll say it now and I'll say it forever, I love you Olivia Benson and I have for the last few months and it's killing me" you smile at them, flashing your teeth.

"I've loved you longer" you say and then you watch as their face lights up.

"How long?" you can see tears roll from their eyes as they asked you the question.

"A year...I've been in love with you for a year Alexandra Cabot" you say leaning your head on there shoulder.

You finally feel that your perfect and the things running through your head are even better then before.

You now know you can really feel some of them, you can make your thoughts come true.

You feel happy because now you can stare at your need and not worry about them catching you, but you know you may still blush when getting caught.

You keep smiling and you love this feeling, it’s something you never want to lose now that you found it, now that you found your need, your love.

Now you know you were wrong, you could have them and you do.

But you’re not dieing now you’re living again, with your need by your side.